Friday, November 14, 2008

It's Snowing

...or it was. About six inches, with the wind blowing it in swoops and swirls. The dogs, especially Jack (Daughter #1's), had a great time prancing around, and came in with their noses smeared white.

What a pleasure and comfort to watch it -- and know you're in a snug, roofed house!

Last night's lecture went great -- more than 180 people were there, learning about Crazies -- and giggling. (Guess I told some funny stories.) We had a great time, looking at pieces and talking about possibilities.

Driving home, milkshake in hand, I relaxed -- it was the last gig of the year.
I wish I could say that now the teaching is over for 2008, I'll sleep in, make cookies and practice Gracious Living.


It just means I'll spend time cleaning up some big piles, catching up on ironing, working on the downstairs inventory (which also features some big piles), and starting on the California Gold book manuscript.

But first --

I leave tomorrow for Michigan, and a visit with the folks. Dad continues to get worse. The CAT scan is showing he has no bone in the front area of his forehead...and the rest of his skull has thinned. The radiation sessions every day are helping some; he can open his left eye slightly. But he still sees double. He spends a lot of time in bed. And he can barely walk from the house past the barn. Things seem increasingly clear; he is dying, slowly and surely.

I've said goodbye; I've told this wonderful man who has been my dad for nearly 50 years how I feel about him. But while he is still here, I want to spend as much time as possible with him. We're planning on going to Michigan for the holidays, but I am not sure he'll be around by then.

This has been a test. I say I believe in God; I say I trust Him. Do I, really? Can I believe that God knows this situation, that He loves us and is still caring for us through all this? Intellectually I can do it -- emotionally, I can...but only minute by minute, a day at a time.

It's hard. Those of you who have gone through this -- you understand.

I'll be back on Wednesday, with hopefully a chance to check in a few times. Sometimes I can use Little Brother's computer, sometimes not. (The folks' e-mail isn't currently working.)

I'll be around.


Anonymous said...

Hope your Dad is ok!

You are very lucky to get snow!!

Allison Ann Aller said...

You've had 50 years with a constant, loving father. Cindy, that is a huge gift, not to be taken for granted, ever.
May your final days together be truly blessed in the peace that passeth all understanding...

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