Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Holiday Thoughts...

Waiting, while Dad is in for his weekly radiation 'drip'....thinking.

He sleeps most of the time now. Either the cancer is moving, affecting his hearing -- or he has an ear infection. (My mom's not sure.) Either way, he can barely hear what we say to him, even when he has his hearing aids in. So he sits in his chair, activity buzzing around him (or not), and reads. Or watches tv. Or mostly -- sleeps. (Plus a long afternoon nap in his bed, as well.)

Then he goes to bed around 7:30 or 8, and sleeps more.

It's good for my family to see him now. I'm glad they came. But I am also very, very glad I spent time with Dad back in the fall, when he was more aware of what was going on. Even now, it's ok just to sit quietly in the room -- maybe watch a little tv myself, maybe not -- and just be with him.

Can't do anything to please Mom right now. If I do it -- it's wrong and I'm a bad daughter. If it's the opposite, I'm still a bad daughter. Frustrating. At least she has someone she can blow off steam on. I know she is emotionally worn-out. I can't make her let me help her.

It will be ok in the long run. It will. But for now, this family get-together is anything but nicey.

Here's another person who found that the "It's A Wonderful Life" approach may differ in the long run --

http://www.csmonitor.com/2008/1223/p09s02-coop.html

A few things are standing out, though. My daughters' wonderful willingness to wash dishes, move things or just hang out while Grandpa is snoozing. My husband's amazing patience with the whole situation. He stays relatively serene through the loudest yelling. What a wonderful guy.

Hope your holiday season is much more restful than mine. But even now, I've had extra time to take some naps and do reading. (Though the reading has to be for the California Gold book!) This will end soon -- then back to 'normal,' which will be a rest in itself.

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