Marching On

Nuggets lost by just a few.tiny.points. Last night. (sigh) At least they're headed back to Denver for the next game!
(and then it's good-byyyyy, Dallas.)
If you're a Coloradoan, sprint to the nearest Taco Bell. The Nuggies got more than 106 points -- that means 4 tacos for a dollar, when you buy a drink, too! Good today, from 4-6 p.m.

* * * * * *
I am back in Book-land again...but it's The Wonderful World of Editing now. Not too bad, and you can actually sleep at night. (Although I had a strange dream the other night about Daughters #1 and #2 introducing me to various characters they thought I should write about.)

Meantime, you'll enjoy this analysis of SOUTHERN WOMEN, courtesy of my North Carolina "mom," Marie. (She adopted me while I was teaching in Virginia in February.) Husband grew up in Jacksonville, NC...and he says some of this stuff, too. Especially "right near," "be back directly," and his favorite: "whatnot." (used to express a group of something)


Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.A winning smile.That unforgettable Southern drawl.

Southern women know their manners:
"Yes, ma'am."
"Yes, sir."
"Why, no, Billy!"
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
"Y'all come back!""Well, bless your heart.""Drop by when you can.""How's your Momma?"

Southern women know their summer weather report:
Humidity
Humidity
Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
The beach
The rivuh
The crick

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
Colorful hi-heel sandals
Strapless sun dresses
Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:
Honey
Darlin'
Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
Fried Green Tomatoes
Driving Miss Daisy
Steel Magnolias
Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
Baptist
Methodist
Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:Red-eye gravy, Grits, Eggs, Country ham
Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Charleston (Chawl'stn)
Savannah (S'vanah)
Fort Worth (Foat Wuth)
New Orleans (N'awlins)
Atlanta (Addlanna)

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
Men in uniform.
Men in tuxedos
Rhett Butler, of course!

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
The Mall
The Country Club
The Beauty Salon

Southern women know the four deadly sins:
Having bad hair and nails
Having bad manners
Cooking bad food
Wearing too much makeup in the summer

Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
_____
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."_____
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
_____Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, ... as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
_____Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
_____All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
_____Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
_____Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
_____Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
_____No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
_____Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," we talk to everybody!
_____
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
_____In the South, "y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural.
_____Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
_____Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
_____
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
_____And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say, "Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.
_____To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
_____And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'all's front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."

Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah!
If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart - fake it! We know you got here as fast a you could!