I'm not sure who came up with this little gem; it's been making its way through e-mail land as an anonymous piece. The Brick forwarded it -- he HATES shopping, unless it's hunting and fishing gear.
Maybe you feel the same way!
WHY
WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN
SHOPPING
After I retired, my
wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips
to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I
found shopping boring and preferred to get in
and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is
like most women – she loves to browse. Yesterday
my dear wife received the following letter from
the local
Target.
Dear Mrs.
Samuel,
Over the past six months, your
husband has caused quite a commotion in our
store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have
been forced to ban both of you from the store.
Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Samuel,
are listed below and are documented by our video
surveillance cameras.
1. June 15: Took 24
boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other
people's carts when they weren't
looking.
2. July 2: Set all the alarm
clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals.
3. July 7: He made a trail of
tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's
restroom.
4. July 19: Walked up to an
employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'.
This caused the employee to leave her assigned
station and receive a reprimand from her
Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union
grievance, causing management to lose time and
costing the company money.
5. August 4:
Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag
of M&Ms on layaway.
6. August 14:
Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted
area.
7. August 15: Set up a tent in the
camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring
pillows and blankets from the bedding department
to which twenty children obliged.
8.
August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help
him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you
people just leave me alone?' EMTs were
called.
9 September 4: Looked right into
the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.
10. September 10: While handling guns in
the hunting department, he asked the clerk where
the antidepressants were.
11. October 3:
Darted around the store suspiciously while
loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible'
theme.
12. October 6: In the auto
department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.
13.
October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when
people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK
ME!'
14. October 21: When an announcement
came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal
position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES
AGAIN!'
And last, but not
least:
15. October 23: Went into a
fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet
paper in here.' One of the clerks passed
out...
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