*Children lie.
*They do it so creatively. ("Kids who lie are demonstrating important cognitive skills.")
*Lying proves that they're developing psychologically. In other words, the "'theory of mind,' the ability to recognize that other people can have different beliefs or feelings from you...Lying also requires 'executive function,' a complex set of skills that includes working memory, inhibitory control, and planning capabilities. Your kid has to hide the truth, plan up an alternate reality, tell you about it, and remember it."
*They don't want to deal with the fallout from their actions. Normal, right? "Then, to cover up their mistakes, they’ll lie to avoid getting punished. In other words, kids lie a lot in part because they can’t help but defy you a lot, and they don’t want to suffer the consequences. Can you blame them?"
If I take Ms. Moyer's lead, I've got one basic choice. Every time your kid lies to your face -- praise them for it! After all, they're developing psychologically and emotionally.
The question is: into what?
Moral, responsible adults, whose actions and words you can trust in a tight spot?
Or people who will lie, cheat and pilfer, given the slightest opportunity?
What about the cumulative effect, when you try to remember what you lied about previously, so the next lies don't sound so bad?
What about the person who refuses to believe your honest words...because so many of your other statements ended up not being true?
What about the company who can no longer trust you to say the truth on a report, because you were busy jacking office supplies to take home, every time you could?
What happens when you tell your kids about the mom who embezzled $60,000 from her kids' soccer league? Praise her for being creative enough to get away with it for more than two years? Say it's bad because -- like many kids' lies -- she got caught? (I'm sure she doesn't want to suffer the consequences, either. Can you blame her?)
What about the people whose lives are permanently affected by the lies you've told? (Put this woman's kids at the top of the list on that one.)
Must we all be watched and recorded -- because, especially if left to ourselves, we can't be trusted?
Lies are lies are lies -- whether kids say them, or adults say them. They're not the end of the world, of course. We've all done it, because we're human. But how you deal with your lies -- and more importantly, the fallout from them -- is what really says something about your character.
And a reputation for honesty, no matter what? Priceless.
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