I'm struggling with this lately. So often, it seems, the person or people I'm trying to persuade, isn't (or aren't) interested in any kind of dialogue.
Here are ten approaches that have helped. They haven't totally solved the problem -- but they do give me hope.
1. Cultivate your reputation for honesty. People should be able to rely on it -- whatever you say should be the truth. Don't lie, even if it would be temporarily easier (and make people happier in the short term). You'll regret it.
2. Work at tactfulness. This is harder. Can you put aside your own personal prejudices and preferences, in order to consider what others think?
3. Listen first. Let them tell you what they need to -- get it out of their system, so to speak. (They may also have some points you need to consider, before you make a decision.)
4. Wait for them to stop shouting. DON'T shout back -- all this does is ramp up emotion on both sides. Wait. Give it even more time, if the atmosphere is still emotional. Overnight, preferably. They'll calm down some...and so will you.
5. Do not let yourself be denigrated, ridiculed or belittled. Do not allow others to be treated this way, either. It doesn't matter if you agree with their viewpoint. (See #7.)
6. Say "Here's what I hear you saying." Repeat their points. First, this reminds them that you've been trying to listen to what they've had to say. Secondly, it may point out items you've misunderstood...or they didn't mean that way.
7. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. This should be a given to those you're speaking with, even if they refuse to offer it in return. Do you have enough moral strength to know what's right, and continue on, even when the going gets difficult? That's what self-respect is all about -- and it's far more important than respect from others. (Although that's nice, too.)
(Of course, there's...I know you're thinking of it, too.)
7. Offer a compliment. Insulting someone, then expecting them to do what you're asking, is laughable. Why would they? (Our teenagers learned this the hard way.)
8. If need be, compromise. Often you can come to terms, if you try. At the very least, you can come up with a group of possibles for compromise in the future.
9. Try to come to a useful conclusion. It may not solve many problems -- it may not take care of the most important one! But it should deal with at least some of the issues, for now. (Plan to work on the others later.)
10. Thank them for their opinion. The point is not that you will always 100% agree with everyone -- because you won't. You listened to them -- so you understand better where they're coming from.
Hopefully, they also listened to you.
Can this whole process be discouraging and frustrating? You bet.
Can it change things, if only gradually? I believe it can.
Is it worth it?
Yes. Oh yes.
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